Keep it slow

What is the cost of hurry?  Is there gain?
I have slowed down these past few years, due to age or wisdom I certainly don't know, but it is a good thing.  I don't hurry on the road, I try very hard not to hurry my boys.

Reminding myself of God's timing; what He keeps me from and saves me for.  In His rhythm my timing is perfection, not offbeat tuba or annoying piccolo out of time and place. 

131-133. time to play and get dirty, climb trees, and build slime forts

There are moments of hurry, but I work to reduce even those.   Usually Gifted is last, always lagging.  I have been trying to go slower than him.  "Don't be last, aim for first!"  Is there damage in those words? The frustration behind them is certainly not kind.  By placing myself last, he's a step ahead.  Man noticed the change, "seems to me you're last these days."  "Mmmm", I don't explain my new tactic.  I struggle to find ways to help Gifted; and have to acknowledge that nothing may work. 

Will our family fall into orbit around him or will he forever be catching up?

This eldest son, just turned 13, is the most childish of our 5.  I vacilate between urging him to grow up, act his 13 years, or leaving him be.  I worry that T left alone will stay like this forever, despite his changing body.  His disobedience is sly; he studied well the orphanage skills of survival.  Using his hearing loss as excuse, again and again, "it's too hard!" is his lament.  He is unmotivated.  His habits are fairly fixed. 

I try to inspire him, share with him, engage him, but he remains unknown to me.  How do we build a relationship with a teenage boy who has little communication and says it's all too hard? 

His vocabulary is limited.  He never learned to hear, what to listen to, what to ignore; how to ask a question, how to answer a question.  Now with hearing aids these past 16 months, the growth seems to measure so small on the chart I create in my mind, a chart of comparison. 

I pray for guidance.  God put him here, in Him is the help we need.  I see that I can't go wrong in pursuing Gifted, I can't imagine regret down that road.  But if I let it go, give up, I will leave valleys that only regret can fill. 

Man mumbles in his mustache, brothers get frustrated at repeating themselves again and again, school mates can't connect.  He doesn't want to learn sign.  It comes to me; poor substitute for an architect, but I will attempt to design a bridge to this son.