Start at 1

To begin my on going list of gratefulness I ask S if I can have one of his extra journals, his answer is a casual yes.  I'm caught up, doesn't he suspect the mess of my life on paper? 

Can we start fresh, are His blessings new every morning,  really?  I will count my way to seeing.

Sitting down to start my list, it seems silly.  Must I write them down.  Can't I just think them in my dark cranium?  But there are so  many, when I stop to think.  God has blessed me with so much, more than pages can hold.  Five boys, easy, kind boys.  He must have known I could not parent trouble laden, burden multiplying children. A Man who is rock, boat; not rocking or sinking; middle of the road Man.  God has grounded me well, secured me to this life with 6 men. 

1. S = No. 1 son, age 10.  compassionate, funny, a gentleman.



 2. EQ = Tender One, mini-me, homebody, very funny, age 8.





3. T=Gifted One, follows his own compass, hearing impaired, gentle, age 13.

4. Yo=Emerging, chrysalis, onion layered, loves animals age 11.

5. Biz=Spunky, solid, strong, age 8.

6. Man, he needs no further defining.

7-12. warm wind, sun on skin, donuts, laughing children, purring cat, clean water to drink

13. Worship music tears down my face

14. God's word in my hand - miracle

15. Ann's gift to me, an unknown, broken woman

16. Broken things that can be put back together

Ah is this it then, the dying to self?  It feels too selfish, maybe it is a brick on the road to dying to self.  It seems I've been on this road before.  Why do I fall back down the hill?  God , help me stick to this hill, move closer to the top, get someplace. 

Give thanks first, then the miracle will follow. 

Practice.  I have practiced at selfish discontent for so many years, how long must I practice gratitude to live it?  I am already 42, will God graciously warp speed this? 

17. red of enchilada sauce

18. kids that like beans