it's not about the leaving

a note in my inbox the other morning - from another goer.  a mom, a wife, a friend, woman, teacher - lonely.  she asks small if i might have time to converse, she just feels the loneliness of it, being a goer.  of course i have time, i write back immediately, i hear the tune of lonely.  seems odd that in chasing such big things we can feel so small. 

But it is not about the leaving.  So what is it then?  It's the living like I actually have the Spirit of God in me.   If I claim the Spirit is in me, yet I look just like everyone else, is it really true?  Francis Chan lays it right out there.  If the Spirit lives in me, I should look different.

So what am I failing at?  Is it that joy does not ooze from my pores; I don't typically leave a trail of joy in my wake? That darn joy thing!  or is it that I don't want to step on toes, dare to offend, thus i don't even offer up the offensive.   Why can't others look at me and see the difference?  and in the seeing just know, of course, we are going - we are that weird family after all. 

If Heaven is believed in, if we grasp the reality of forever in Heaven, then shouldn't everyone be excited at the prospect of getting the job done so Christ can come back?  If every tongue and tribe and nation will be represented at our Worship in front of GOD, then there is certainly work to be done.   Joshua Project lists 6,950 unreached people groups! 

Admittedly, I have only recently come to understand the gravity of getting to all those people groups.  I used to hear about missionaries and think "oh, that's cool - good for them".  Now I think "Wow - that is awesome!  I want in on that action!"   Like that song says that is playing now "when the saints go walking in, I want to be one of them." 

How can there be anger at our going?  It's not a danger thing; it's more dangerous to ride in a car than to be a missionary.  So what is it?

I want Jesus to come back.  I am sick and tired of cancer, death, anger, sickness, rape, injustice.  I WANT HIM back!  and the sooner the better.  So let us get the work done that He put before us.  Take His news to all nations. 

Someone with good intentions said to me that our going is like if my youngest no longer wanted to live with us.  But that's a leaving thing, and has nothing to do with being Jesus' hands and feet; our youngest is 9 after all. 

Lonely.  I guess that's what I've felt this past week or so.  Because it is big and exciting this setting out, but many people that I would want to talk it through with, don't want to hear it.  Like my goer friend said "it's hard to talk to anyone about anything without talking about the Philippines." 

So in keeping with my earlier post on resolution, I will seek out the process of making distinguishable the Spirit of God in me. 

And I will take comfort in my friends who do stand by, and my men - those 6 who want to be different.  That we aren't shy about being called those Jesus Freaks.  And I trust in Heaven eternal.  Time aplenty to spend with everyone doing everything to give glory to God.   Maybe I'll learn to play the guitar in Heaven!