My Mother-in-law phoned to tell me that she is proud of me, that she loves me; I had to fight back tears. I was deeply touched. At our missional meeting a friend reminded others to pray for us, again, it made my heart ache. My friend A is so supportive. There are many who get it, but probably more who don't get it. I am so thankful to those openly supporting us.
At our missional meeting last night I had a disagreement with our facilitator. I cried all the way home and into the night. The boys have never been so quiet in the car! I learned not to put myself in that position again.
I think that as a woman I put my heart out there and as a man he is using his brain, and not so much his heart. I felt like the main attraction in a freak show. No one else in our group speaks up, I now know why that is - they don't want to be embarassed. I just don't have the expertise to be able to defend my heart to this man and his expert ability to quote scripture and challenge everything I say. But I know in my heart that what I was saying is at least right for me and my family. I realize that both heart and head are important, but from now on I will wait until I get home and discuss my thoughts in the safety of my marriage to my godly husband.
Our scripture for last night's study was Matthew 6:19-21 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever you treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." NLT
Our facilitator spent the bulk of his time defending those who have stuff, that we don't know their hearts so we ought not to judge them.
But I believe and stated, that it is not okay for a Christ follower to go out and buy a Ferrari (his example) when we live in a time with such need and poverty and billions have not even had the chance to choose Jesus. I agree with John Piper that as Christ followers we should adopt a wartime frugality and use our excess to spread Love to all corners of the world.
I just could not get the words out in the right way or quote scriptures. It was very frustrating. I ended by stating that when I come before my Creator I truly do not believe that He will tell me "I sure wish you had bought more stuff, you should have driven a nicer car" or "why did you give so much away? really, you should not have been so generous".
If my neighbors can look at me and I look just like the world, what is the point- haven't I missed the mark? Is it enough for my heart to be right, but not my hands and feet? And if my heart is truly right with God, won't my actions line up?
I don't want to look like the world.
Man reminded me as I lay in bed crying, feeling exhausted and defeated and like a failure for not having communicated my heart in a way that our group could see it clearly....that The Word says when you are persecuted for following Me, not if. Refer to Matthew 10:16-20, Romans 8:16-18, 2Corinthians 4:7-11.
We will be persecuted by family, friends, and strangers, but He will bless us.
Don't get me wrong, I love the people in our group. And I know that my God is stretching me for a purpose, and I welcome that, but I also ask for wisdom and discernment.
Look what the Lord has done! He is good and I am so blessed.
YOU are right. Do not lay up treasures here on this earth as we as a society have done. Bigger houses, more toys and more contraptions on cars etc. In spite of that, we as a society are yet still the most giving of any in this world. You and the man are blessed and we are so very proud of you guys, and so envious too, although that too is sinful.
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